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Q. Why don't polish women use vibrators? A. It chips their teeth. Q. How do you sink a polish battleship? A. Put it in water. Q: Have you seen the polish mine detector. A1: Put you fingers in your ears and start stamping the ground with your foot. A2: Start backing up and waving the detector in front of you. Q: Why did the Polak cross the road? A: He couldn't get his **** out of the chicken. Q: How do you get a one-armed Polak out of a tree? A: Wave to him. Q: Why wasn't Christ born in Poland? A: Because they couldn't find three wisemen and a virgin. Q: How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast? A: They marched in backwards and the Polish thought they were leaving. Q: Why do Polish police cars have stripes on the side? A: So the cops can find the handles. Q: How do you tell which is the Groom at a Polish wedding? A: He's the one with the CLEAN bowling shirt. Q: How do you stop a Polish army on horseback? A: Turn off the carousel. Q: How many Polaks does it take to change a light bulb? A1: 3. One to stand on a chair and hold the bulb and the other two to spin the chair. A2: 100001. One to hold the bulb and the other 100000 to spin the house. Q: What do you do if a Polak throws a pin at you? A: Run like hell - he's still got a hand-grenade between his teeth. Q: What do you do if a Polak throws a hand-grenade at you? A: Take the pin out and throw it back. Q: How do you know if a Polak has been using a computer? A: There's whiteout on the screen. Q: How do you take census in a Polish village? A: Roll a quarter down the street, count the legs, divide by two, and subtract one for the Jew who catches it. Q: Who wears a dirty white robe and rides a pig? A: Lawrence of Poland. Q: Who wears a forest ranger's hat and carries a can of kerosene? A: Stanislaus the Fire Prevention Bear of the Polish National Forest Service. Q: How did the Polish mother teach her son which way to put his underwear on? A: Yellow in the front, Brown in the back! Q: How do you know you're flying over Poland? A: Toilet paper hanging on the clotheslines. Q: Why do Polish names end in "ski" ? A: Because they can't spell tobbagan. Q: Did you hear about the Polak who married an Amish woman? A: He drove her buggy. Q: Did you hear about the new automatic Polish parachutes? A: They open on impact. Q: Do you know why the new football stadium they built in Warsaw could not be used? A: No matter where you sat you were behind a Pole. Q: Did you see the polish submarine with a screen door? A: Dont laugh, it keeps the fish out. Q: Did you hear about the Polish Helicopter crash? A: The pilot got cold, so he turned off the fan. Q: Did you know that Poland just bought 10,000 Septic Tanks? A: As soon as they learn how to drive 'em, they are going to invade Russia. Q: Did you hear about the Polak who thought his wife was trying to kill him? A: On her dressing table he found a bottle of "Polish Remover". Q: Why do Polish hate Cauchy's dog? (hint on Cauchy-Riemann theorem) A: Because it leaves residues at each Pole. Q: What's the motto of the Polish Solidarity Union? A: Every man for himself. Q: How do you get a Polak out of the bath tub? A: Throw in a bar of soap. Q: What's delaying the Polish space program? A: Development of a working match. Q: What are the two biggest Polish lies? A: The check's in your mouth, and I won't come in the mail. Q: Did you hear about the Polish man that locked his keys in his car? A: He had to use a coat hanger to get his family out. Q: Why do Polish dogs have flat noses? A: From chasing parked cars. Q: What do you get when you cross a 1-legged Polak with a Mongoloid? A: A Polaroid One-Step. Q: Did you hear about the Polak who studied for 5 days? A: He was scheduled to take a urine test. Q: How do you confuse a Polak? A: Put him in a round room and tell him to piss in the corner. Q: How do you keep a Polak in suspense? A: Q: Why are there no ice cubes in Poland? A: They forgot the recipe. Q: What happens when a Polak doesn't pay his garbage bill? A: They stop delivering. Q: How do Polaks form a car pool? A: They meet at work. Q: How do you ruin a Polish party? A: Flush the punch bowl. Q: What is long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night? A: A new last name. Q: What happened to the Polish National Library? A: Someone stole the book. Q: Did you hear about the man who was Polishing the flagpole? A: He varnished into thin air! Q: Why did the Polish couple decide to have only 4 children? A: They'd read in the newspaper that one out of every five babies born in the world today is Chinese. Q: What did the Polish mother say when her daughter announced that she was pregnant? A: "Are you sure it's yours?" Q: Why did the Polak sell his water skis? A: He couldn't find a lake with a hill in it. Q: You go to a cockfight. How do you know if a Polak is there? A: He's the one with a duck. Q: How do you know if an Italian is there? A: He bet on the duck. Q: How do you know if the Mafia is there? A: The duck wins. Q: Why did the polack put ice in his condom? A: To keep the swelling down. Q: What does a polish girl do after she sucks cock? A: Spits out the feathers. Q: How many polaks does it take to kidnap a child? A: 12. One to kidnap the child and the remaining 11 to write a ransom letter. Q: A Polish soldier was confronted by a charging German soldier and a charging Russian soldier. Which did he shoot first, and why? A: He shot the German first--business before pleasure. Q: How does a Polish Firing Squad stand? A: In a circle Q: Why does the new Polish navy have glass bottom boats? A: So they can see the old Polish navy. |
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